By Tracy Fitzpatrick
I am so sorry you have had to hear these words, "you have cancer." No one wants this diagnosis!! As you probably already realize, you have the option of approaching this terrible situation one step at a time as you empower yourself to cope affirmatively. Through my cancer in 1994 and my husband's in 2009 and witnessing friends and coaching clients coping with cancer, I have gathered thoughts about some first steps you may want to consider:
1. Recognize that a cancer diagnosis is a tremendous shock. Do not expect that right now you can handle everything in life as well as normal. You have heard terrible news. You probably have strong feelings about this news. You may feel numb, like you are in shock.
2. Therefore, be sure to ask for help from your friends, family and community members. Here are some ways people can help in the first weeks of learning you have cancer:
o Find someone you trust to go to medical appointments with you. He/she can help you by taking notes about the doctor's comments, listening with you, helping you frame questions and collect information, and, reviewing and processing the information with you after appointments.
o Decide who you wish to share this news with and what you want them to know. You do not have to reveal all the details of your health status to everyone right away.
o Ask a couple of trusted friends to begin organizing logistics for you-for food, transportation, help with child care, communication with your network of friends. People in your community will want to be supportive so do not hesitate to ask clearly for what would be most helpful. At the same time, it takes a lot of energy to speak with everyone, so you may want to have one or two closest friends or family members coordinate your support network.
3. Collect medical and other information in a manner that feels empowering to you. Some want to know everything and search websites and ask their medical team. Others want to know only what they need to know right now and want to entrust someone else with the knowledge of all contingencies --a respected doctor, a significant other. Follow your instinct about this, knowing you can tweak your information gathering as you go.
4. Get a second medical opinion. Your doctor can recommend another physician to consult. This is normal practice in oncology, so no need to be shy about it. Even if you have fundamental trust in your current medical team, it can be helpful to gather additional information from other sources.
5. If you will have surgery, Peggy Huddleston's book and recording, Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster are outstanding resources for taking care of yourself through this step.
6. If you are preparing for a hospital stay, recruit one or two friends or family members who will serve as your patient advocates while you are in the hospital. Ask them to spend lots of time with you while you are in the hospital as care givers and advocates. Remember you are not hosting them but asking them to nurture you while you go through this experience. Make sure they are informed about your wishes and are willing to support you with comfort like getting ice from the kitchen or advocating for you with a nurse, if you are in pain, etc.
7. You have cancer, you do not become cancer. Even as you absorb this new fact about your body, remember that you are more than this diagnosis. Keep some comforts or symbols of those comforts close by--a quilt on your hospital bed, a favorite piece of music, a photograph or a poem that you bring to treatment with you, an inspiring message on your computer screen saver-whatever is meaningful to you. Stay tuned to your sources of support and spiritual practice.
8. Reflect back on other life challenges you have faced: What strengths within you helped you through earlier difficulties? What support did you tap then that would also help now?
9. Consider how to support your emotional health through cancer treatment. Some useful tools are starting a journal, reading books about how others have managed through this experience, joining a support group, speaking with a therapist or coach who knows you and/or works with those who are experiencing cancer, speaking with the patient resource center at your hospital, asking your physician for other resources, speaking with friends who have had cancer treatment, enjoying a favorite creative or artistic activity, prayer. What would feel most helpful to you?
An estimated 12 million people are diagnosed with cancer each year worldwide (figure provided by the American Cancer Society's Global Cancer Facts & Figures, 2008 for the year 2007). You are not alone. Many, many people get through cancer treatment and live fully during and after treatment or with cancer as a chronic illness. Best wishes to you!
I am so sorry you have had to hear these words, "you have cancer." No one wants this diagnosis!! As you probably already realize, you have the option of approaching this terrible situation one step at a time as you empower yourself to cope affirmatively. Through my cancer in 1994 and my husband's in 2009 and witnessing friends and coaching clients coping with cancer, I have gathered thoughts about some first steps you may want to consider:
1. Recognize that a cancer diagnosis is a tremendous shock. Do not expect that right now you can handle everything in life as well as normal. You have heard terrible news. You probably have strong feelings about this news. You may feel numb, like you are in shock.
2. Therefore, be sure to ask for help from your friends, family and community members. Here are some ways people can help in the first weeks of learning you have cancer:
o Find someone you trust to go to medical appointments with you. He/she can help you by taking notes about the doctor's comments, listening with you, helping you frame questions and collect information, and, reviewing and processing the information with you after appointments.
o Decide who you wish to share this news with and what you want them to know. You do not have to reveal all the details of your health status to everyone right away.
o Ask a couple of trusted friends to begin organizing logistics for you-for food, transportation, help with child care, communication with your network of friends. People in your community will want to be supportive so do not hesitate to ask clearly for what would be most helpful. At the same time, it takes a lot of energy to speak with everyone, so you may want to have one or two closest friends or family members coordinate your support network.
3. Collect medical and other information in a manner that feels empowering to you. Some want to know everything and search websites and ask their medical team. Others want to know only what they need to know right now and want to entrust someone else with the knowledge of all contingencies --a respected doctor, a significant other. Follow your instinct about this, knowing you can tweak your information gathering as you go.
4. Get a second medical opinion. Your doctor can recommend another physician to consult. This is normal practice in oncology, so no need to be shy about it. Even if you have fundamental trust in your current medical team, it can be helpful to gather additional information from other sources.
5. If you will have surgery, Peggy Huddleston's book and recording, Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster are outstanding resources for taking care of yourself through this step.
6. If you are preparing for a hospital stay, recruit one or two friends or family members who will serve as your patient advocates while you are in the hospital. Ask them to spend lots of time with you while you are in the hospital as care givers and advocates. Remember you are not hosting them but asking them to nurture you while you go through this experience. Make sure they are informed about your wishes and are willing to support you with comfort like getting ice from the kitchen or advocating for you with a nurse, if you are in pain, etc.
7. You have cancer, you do not become cancer. Even as you absorb this new fact about your body, remember that you are more than this diagnosis. Keep some comforts or symbols of those comforts close by--a quilt on your hospital bed, a favorite piece of music, a photograph or a poem that you bring to treatment with you, an inspiring message on your computer screen saver-whatever is meaningful to you. Stay tuned to your sources of support and spiritual practice.
8. Reflect back on other life challenges you have faced: What strengths within you helped you through earlier difficulties? What support did you tap then that would also help now?
9. Consider how to support your emotional health through cancer treatment. Some useful tools are starting a journal, reading books about how others have managed through this experience, joining a support group, speaking with a therapist or coach who knows you and/or works with those who are experiencing cancer, speaking with the patient resource center at your hospital, asking your physician for other resources, speaking with friends who have had cancer treatment, enjoying a favorite creative or artistic activity, prayer. What would feel most helpful to you?
An estimated 12 million people are diagnosed with cancer each year worldwide (figure provided by the American Cancer Society's Global Cancer Facts & Figures, 2008 for the year 2007). You are not alone. Many, many people get through cancer treatment and live fully during and after treatment or with cancer as a chronic illness. Best wishes to you!
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